Dec 5, 2013

Another day passes, another day older

Sometime in the last two years, I decided that I should do more of what makes me happy and what I want to do. Doing what I want to do will naturally tend to make me happy. I started doing things I wanted, and doing less just for the sake of others. I've realized that as I grow older, as I develop a slightly better sense of what I am and what I want, my tolerance for anything against it has reduced. Certain mental comforts attain top priority however selfish it may seem. My anger has reduced and I am more relaxed with everyone. Because I look out for myself I don't do things for others grudgingly and have nothing to be pissed off about. Everyone need to look out for himself/herself to an extent.

I am inherently lazy. The first thing I was worried about growing older was the responsibilies that came with it. As in, not the being grown up type of responsibilities. The more troublesome activities like paying taxes, bills etc on time, for fear of being lazy and forgetting them. I think I developed that idea seeing my parents maintain ledgers of paperwork for taxes and expenses and loans. Every time a financial year ends,  my mom and dad sit and sift through a YEAR of paperwork and quibble. At the end of it they'll be so happy though. But everything now is so different. Taxes are actually pretty easy to do because companies do it automatically and all you have to do is fill a form and shit. All my childhood was a....gross underestimation of how things advance with time. 

The problems as I grow up, are totally different in nature. A friend of mine, whose words I've grown to attach some importance over the last three years, once told me - "No problem is as big as you think it is" as he stirred the contents of his pan around. That has calmed me down a lot. I stop and think about what I can do about it. I try to do what I can possibly do to solve it. Things beyond my ability are things I needn't worry about because worry changes the outcome not. It only makes your single day of sunshine in a cold December, shitty. 

I wasn't really into computers and how they work, until I was 16. I'm glad I took this decision because I really love writing functional code. It's nice to have that productive discussion and see those pieces fall into place. Not writing code for days on end, because you're sure you'll go through a longer patch when all you want to do is build the fucking thing. 

I like what I'm doing now. The people I meet. The postcards I get.The small fascinating things like noticing how in my zip code 11211, the 2 is writing a little higher than the 1s, something like the numbering of pages in a book. The places I go to. Certain unfulfilled intentions always remain, which I will think about in the priority that my self made system of morals, built from everything I've learnt and experienced, attach to them. Because that is all we are on a level, a system of beliefs.

I should write more. This rustiness will fade if I write more.

Nov 3, 2013

Herbert Englehart

That's the name of someone I met today that I don't want to forget.

He asked me if he could sit at my table at a coffee shop and sat there. I asked him "How goes it?" and he responded "I'm 88. It's all the same now. You're young. How old are you? 21?"

"No. 24. but thanks for telling me I look younger I guess."

"Yes you are young. You have a lot of time left"

"I'll catch up soon"

"In the grand scheme of things yeah, but you've got a while."

And then we spoke of Maus, Poland, Chittagong, East Bengal and languages. 

May 9, 2013

Throughout Iron man 3 I was thinking to myself - 'Where is this face from..Where is this face from..I've seen her and absolutely loved the movie she was in.." In the end credits, it was revealed her name was rebecca hall. I go home and google her and voila - of course I remembered her! Vicky in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. No wonder. I loved Vicky. Everyone loves Cristina of course, but Vicky..

And of course, Pepper Potts. Gwyneth Paltrow, my first hollywood love. The love sowed in me due to the innumerable times I watched CD1 - 42 mins onwards of 'Shakespeare in love' when I was a 12 year old. I did end up watching the movie in its entirety and did like it, so kudos to my 12 year old self.

The movie season is here!

Mar 21, 2013

You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin' 'round and 'round 
                          -- Steely Dan

Feb 7, 2013

I woke up at 8 AM having slept at 5:30 AM, after watching a season of 'The Wire' when I told myself I'd just watch one episode. I had to go in to work early and I had the worst morning ever. I went to the recreation building to sign up for membership. My whole day got flipped on its head. There, at the registration desk, was the prettiest girl I'd seen in a while. I just broke into a grin and she matched it. I instantly felt like nothing else could ruin my day. I hope to see more of her over the next few months. I then got off at a busstop away from office because I felt like walking in the mild cold morning. I was still smiling as I walked, and there were way too many pretty people on the road smiling back at me than there usually are. Not that I mind, heh.

And now I'm listening to this on loop.

Jan 7, 2013

Couple of weeks ago, I met a couple of friends from a different time and country for the first time after two years. We had all changed a lot, but then, nothing had changed.

I'm not really one for new year resolutions, but this year, I want to say I'm going to meet up with some people whose faces I haven't seen in a long long time.