Like a flowing river??

One of those days when I feel like I wanna melt cheese in the swiss alps with a st.bernard eagerly awaiting the end result. I want out. Things spiralling out of control. Why? Not because I'm sick and tired. But because everything I wanna do shows up in front of me at the same time like a beaming kid with an open sac, wearing a dracula costume yelling "Trick or treat!!!". Times when sanity is tested. At times like this if you don't become insane for even a little while then you're a lune alright!

I've always wondered why things are what they are. Please don't read on if you expect profound philosophy. But if you're satisfied by mindless analysis done by 19 yr olds who make up stuff and call it profound philosophy, then be my guest. What would happen if what we knew and what we didn't know got interchanged? Chaos?? no. Because all people in this world don't know the same things. Our roles would merely get interchanged. (No wisecracks about people not knowing how to stand, eat , see, etc...)

Imagine a situation wherein you are asked to do something for the dumbest person ever, and he/she gets the credit for it. You would love to pound the crap out of her/him, but you can't and you have to look on as he/she ascend to new levels of crappiness. What would you do when you're forced to face that face day after day week after week? You'd break wouldn't you? Atleast for a while?? If your answer is no then you need help. Period.

The only solace is in knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Till then I'm trying to be comfortably numb. Crap-proof. I bounce crap right off. Now that would be a helluva invention. Crap-proof attire for the 19 yr old. I should preach someday. Seriously.

Row row row your boat...
Gently down the stream.
Bam poof kablow bang,
Tseeeew kapwing gleem.

Thank you for your patience. My period of temporary insanity is over. Elliptical curve cryptography here I come!

Kapwing!

I'm back...

I’ve realised enough is enough. I ‘ve finally made sometime to do one of the things I love doing. Pity that I’ve time for other stuff but I ‘ve to make some to do what I love.

The past 2 weeks have been different for me. Stuff that was in my life for most of the time for the last year suddenly left me for the last week. No tantalizing wait for the s11a at 7 50 AM when a question pops into your head- “Has it left already??”. No three bus transit after the more often than not departure of the same without me. No “Excuse me ma’am”s on the few days I arrive at 8:32 AM but forced to accept it is 8:37 because the teacher’s watch says so. No sheepish grins. No knowing glances. No searching for a seat except the first three rows. No relief when the bell rings. No lunch time group discussions about what-not. No RV visits. No long-busride home. No music after getting home. No internet. No coimbatore….

Bro came home after one and a half years. We spent time at Chennai at grandma’s for the pongal holidays before his departure on 19^th. He’s still the same, just a few adjustments- lesser hair and a few kilos lighter. I woke up late. Paati’s food for a change. Ate to my fill feeling guilty all along about the 5 kilos I’d gained. Nevertheless ate the same if not more. Went to spencers with mom and bro. Mom’s first visit there. Losing track of time had never been this fun. The four of us in an auto on a ride home. Stuff happens just to kindle your memory doesn’t it? A visit to a friend-from-old apartment-and-family-album’s place to find their kids all grown up but them being the same. Chit-chat. Dinner. Photo albums. Laughed at how stupid we looked in pants which looked like shorts because we wore them chest high. Made promises about suing my parents after I earned enough to get a lawyer, for not changing my hairstyle back then ( Trust me, You’d have done the same). Bye bye’s. Taxi ride to airport. Bye-byes. Hugs. Looking back. Ride back home at midnight. Staying awake to hear the flight has been delayed by two hours. Train journey back to coimbatore. Back to the life as of now.

I look back at this travel through time. Could it be that all these have been right here with me without me realizing it? Be what may, life rocks.

I feel some kind of change. I feel like I’ve been put through the borsalini test. I have a feeling I might have passed. J Blood flows through my fingers as I sit before this screen after three weeks and I realize how good it feels. Music runs in the back and I sing along. I break free along with avril and Zeppelin.

I feel good. Goooooooood! (Seen bruce almighty??)

Back in time...

Thanks to swat, I had this great time revisiting a few of my most favorite songs. Truly music to me is what a lollipop is to a 3 yr old kid. This song "brighter than sunshine" by aqualung made me write this post I can say. Love the song, the voice, and moreover the movie (A lot like love).

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

I got a feeling in my soul ...(repeat chorus to end)

:)

The other side of me..(yes I am multi faceted alright)

Apparently there is more to me than meets the eye. Or so it turned out to be....

December 20, 2007. It was a cold rainy night and I wasn't dumb enough to be out and contract something. I logged into gtalk for a little chat before going to sleep. I had an invite to chat from some fellow who called himself krish93. I thought it was a krishna I knew (Common name, you see..) and accepted it because unknown person's don't use gtalk but just bug you in orkut. What followed was, what can I say...why don't you just read on

me: u jus added me...which krish are u?
10:29 PM krish93: krishna
from cbe
10:30 PM me: Anna university?
krish93: sengunthar college t.gode
me: tp s friend?
krish93: no
10:31 PM me: then?
krish93: just i saw u in orkut
me: do i know u?
10:32 PM krish93: krishna from coimbatore (Does "do i know you" mean anythi g different anymore????)
10:33 PM me: umm u can be a little more specific
krish93: i am new friend for u
me: ohhk..(with some eyerolling)
10:34 PM krish93: wht u doing
10:35 PM me: nothin much
bored
krish93: ok shall we chat
10:37 PM r u there
10:38 PM me: yea
ok we can.(everyone should be given a chance right??..NO... WRONG)
krish93: wht u doing real life
10:39 PM me: college
2nd yr
PSG
computer science
krish93: oh good
i am psg product diploma
10:40 PM me: oh k
krish93: where did u done ur school
me: sboa
krish93: oh 5n
10:41 PM r u got management seat r free seat
me: free
10:42 PM krish93: r u in home
me: aama.(Change in language -->sign of frustration creeping in..)
10:43 PM krish93: wht else r u in hoilday
10:44 PM me: (An alien which can shower green goo from its nose or a piece of shoe lace) no
college da
tomorrow leave
krish93: ok
10:45 PM shall we meet one day if possible
me: if possible yea.(Tried being subtle)
why did u add me?? what mad eu? (I failed)
10:46 PM krish93: y
wht happen
me: i dont like talking to strangers i dont know and don't feel like I want to know ..
10:48 PM krish93: oh y u think me as ur strangers ,we wil be friend (My strangers?? FTLOG!)
me: huh (Brain on the walls people..)
10:50 PM krish93: thn wht else
me: gonna sleep in a while..(tried a more obvious-er version of subtlety)
krish93: ok
10:51 PM shall u call me
r else i wil
me: i dont really know u
I don't think it's time we tlak..
10:52 PM krish93: ok
after understanding we wil talk ok
me: FINE (Cyanide or rat poison??)
krish93: rajkumar is the dct hod of psg tech dimploma (Where the hell did that come from?)
10:53 PM r u in J block
r EB block
me: A
10:54 PM krish93: ok
whts ur name in orkut to search
10:55 PM me: the same, DUH(I wanted to say obi wan kenobe but then I'd be in deep shit making him understand that)
10:56 PM krish93: shall i add u
but it show male.(THERE YOU GO!)
r u male
me: OMG
oh k, so that's what this is all about.
10:57 PM get a life man(The most patient I've been in a single incident in my entire life..)
krish93: omg means
me: Oh my god (See what I mean by Patience)
buzz off ( It's starting to wear off)
u made a mistake i see(Stating the obvious eh??)
I am not a girl
so tata(that meant ^%#^%#^%^)
krish93: ok
10:58 PM me: and u wont be getting anywhere with the way u approach "Girls"(air quote)
krish93: wht
wht u mean

And the genius went offline. Voila!! The lame dufus actually thought I was a girl. I thank him for that. Phew.. for a second I was scared that he was a "little-too-happy" if you know what I mean.

I guess I should rephrase the first sentence. There is more to me than met his eye. An extra fookin' 'N' at the end. It is SHARANYAN. Is it my fault that "sharanya" is a sexy name??

Bing's not so weird now is it chandler??

Tra la la!

Yes I am singing. For this has been a beautiful day. Why, you ask? Because I bunked college thanks to the heavy rain!

* I found out that I could solve the easy sudoku in under two minutes. (I'm not kidding)

* Spent time on orkut looking at random profiles and communities and smiling to myself when I saw something I liked (Yes I should get a job, I know)

* Watched two movies.

i) Hot fuzz - English movie whose script coulda been a copy of a tamil one's, absurd story, but funny movie.

ii) The butterfly effect - Loved the story, though it is as probable as me changing my blog template to pink. Super acting.

* Found out two things warm you from the inside except the time when people say they love you - "FRIENDS tenth season last episode" and "a cup of coffee + Chilli Gobi with onion rings with a touch a lemon" after a walk in the cold piss-drizzle of an evening rain.

* Caught up with my friends. That's always good.

* The daily nonsense chat with shrey (Hey, we do talk sense time to time) about the lead guitarist of megadeth and the story of how he slept with his head on his hand and his hand became numb and he could not play the guitar for a month. It ended with me giving him nightmares of what would happen if his butt becomes numb. He said it does when he reads in the posture for a long time. ;)

* New template. Yea you'd have noticed.

* Unusually happy day as a whole though not every art of it was pleasant.

Tomorrow's coming along with a cattle prod. Or is it a candy bar?

Audioslave

A tribute to one of the best voices I've heard, one which makes me sing along even though I don't know the lyrics, and to the music, just puts me in a trance. To Chris Cornell..



Out Of Exile

Yesterday to Tomor...

Yesterday to tomorrow

Yesterday to Tomor...

Be yourself

Audioslave - Be Yo...

Revelations

Revelations.mp3

Wide awake

10 - Audioslave - ...

Like a stone

Like a stone.mp3

A dog's life

Our 2 year anniversary, and I have to spend it alone. You know, it was this very same day she promised me she'd never leave me. I should have seen her fingers to see if she'd had them crossed. Hmmm..I still remember the shirt she wore that day, light blue, First button missing, an ink dot on her high on the right cheek, a result of pen-in-hand thinking. That day when I told her that I love her. That day that she told me she felt the same way too. That day that I 'd wished for every day after meeting her at work. Two years ago. Two years.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane..." . Yea right. A jet plane named misunderstanding that eventually crashed in the sea of despair. You had to take me along didn't you? Let me look back. Everything was fine. Smooth. You loved me. I loved you. People were ok with it. Then I get promoted and I got a secretary and you got jealous. For what?? Because she got to spend more time with me at office. But you never understood that the amount of time is never a measure for the amount of love. Yes she was a good friend. Yes we had coffee together. Yes I gave her a hug for her birthday. But God, we've been through more. And A hug a coffee and some time dictating the details to me is enough to make you doubt me??

She wouldn't talk to me in the office again. And now it's our anniversary and she doesn't give a damn. Why?? Why can't people be open minded and mean it when they say "I trust you more than anybody"?? I can't let her go. No, I won't. I'll bring her door down if thats what it takes to get to her. I'll make her see sense that her smile says more than ..what did she say??..yea "that dumb Secretary girl" can ever say. I'm going right now.

Woof!!

Yea right. Woof bark..What else do you know..a little lick a little rub and there you go. Seven or eight puppies. No secretaries. Food, sleep and play. WIsh I had a life like you...

Sila nerangal

Frequent power cuts. Frequent cable TV cuts exactly when I want to see DragonballZ. Frustration seeps in when I switch on the Tv and find the blue screen instead of Goku holding up the spirit bomb. Frustration spreads like blood through veins when I hear the beep-beep of the UPS signaling a black-out. I take a walk through Dr. Hannibal lecter's memory palace to ease the frustration. The power comes back on.

I want to sketch a wolf, write a ballad, a story, sit on a cliff facing the sea listening to John Denver sing "You fill up my senses..." or Bono crooning "With or without you...". I hum a tune thinking how farfetched these are, some because I'm lazy, others because I dunno why.

I find myself having lots of time to spare and at the same time in need of it. I'm occupied but bored. If I'm really not bored then it so happens that it is short-lived. Long holidays suck. Correction. Long holidays at home suck. Especially when your friends have exams.

I have this recurrent image of a beach where I sit near the shore, watching the gulls circling the sky, letting the grains of sand drift slowly to the ground through the gaps in between my fingers. The sand always manages to slip through. A silent tear and a smile simultaneously visit my face. I find this image both dreamy and haunting. Like a puppy which has injured a leg but still licks your hand.

Do people really put smileys to depict their mood or just for the sake of conversation? Are people really what they say they are? Is the crow really a cuckoo instead?

I'm bored..

What I've done

To say a few words and let you see more of what I've done..

A glimpse here and there of our trip to chennai..

Cast:

Anbarasu
Karthik
Siva Visakan
Vibhu
Krishnaraj
Sidaardh
Sharanyan

Guest appearance:

Shri Vasan
Naveen
GV
Puvi

The Diwali visit to the orphanage..

The cast:

Ruby
Anirudh
Ashwin Raghav
Pavitra
Tanmayi
Nandhu
Rahul saka
Paul george
Ishani
Kareena
Lakshmi
Hari babu
Alagappan
Harish
Tarun
Erin
Rahul agarwal
And me...